Thursday NBA Throw-Up: Finals Edition

After the better part of a century of living, Shaquille O'Neal has committed to retirement as a player in the NBA, a notion that, even if intended as a bluff, is at its core most definite and intense. Although he's been a non-factor for a few years now, O'Neal has always kept us remembering the ugly fights, such as the big swing-and-a-miss with Brad Miller. He's tried really really hard to keep the faces smiling, or occasionally afraid of him, or really anything just as long as the faces are there, watching his movements, dreaming of a distant future, one where they love the Shaq man. Well, guess what, that future is now, and Shaq's a goner, but with him goes the true definition of greatness, a definition that very few can match. And even though for some reason, it feels great to know Shaq is gone forever, a tiny part of us will miss him, but probably not all that often. For undoubtedly, Shaq's persistent effort to get the faces to watch him will continue on a TV channel near you.


With all the reports coming out of Euroleague about Ricky Rubio, it seriously seems like the Timberpups are up to their old tricks, with an emphasis on the old and the tricks. Rubio, with open court vision that pays off, finds himself unable to play defense, shoot the ball, or develop muscle. Seems like another obvious bust for the perpetual Timberpups, who get their name from the old lumberjack days of yesteryear. "Timber!!!!!" somebody yelled while failing to hold in a roadhouse chuckle. That somebody was you, and that place was the Target Center, an empty nest full of falling trees of symbol.


Out in Portland, the corporate fat cats are trying to get Brandon Roy to hang it up, call it a career, giving the Blazers a huge break financially for years to come. Those Blazer fat cats desire a corporate bail-out, NBA style, and it's offbeat pandemonium, the kind you'd expect out of Oregon. We asked accounting specialist Grant Frost about his take on the matter, thinking that only a financial wizard of Grant's caliber could unspin the back and forth web of lies coming from behind the scenes in Portland, Oregon. "It's truly shocking. It reminds me of the plot of Cast Away a little bit. I mean what's Helen Hunt supposed to do? Brandon Roy's knees are gone and they're never coming back. But... what if they do?" reports Frost.

Gilbert Arenas is on Twitter talking about needing slaves/girlfriends to make him breakfast in the morning. Pretty weird thing to talk about on Twitter. I knew Gil was old school, but geez, slave girls? Good luck explaining this one Mr. Arenas.

Definitely the big talk in the NBA right now is all about one guy, Kenyon Martin. Where will he wind up next season. As one of the premier crazy guys in the NBA, Martin tries harder than most to play intensely good defense on two bad knees. Set to turn 34 next season, Martin is becoming the kind of veteran guy that we can all be fond of. I'd love to watch him play a meaningful role off a bench for a contending team. He'll definitely want to play for a championship at this stage of his life. Fingers crossed he signs with Portland. More realistically, he signs with Miami.

How could anyone root for these guys?